Oh, To Be First...

We’re in the doctor’s waiting room. There are three others ahead of us. The missus is leafing through a magazine, I’m twiddling my thumbs, and my daughter’s sitting on a chair with a bored expression on her face.

“When do we go in?” she pipes.

“Not for a while. There are others ahead of us”, explains the missus, without looking up from her magazine.

A frown envelops my daughter’s face. Tears swell up in her eyes…

“I can’t be first at anything! I don’t stand first in school, and now I can’t be first at the doctor’s clinic. Why?!”

Needless to say, we were allowed in - first!

Skin Care!

This photograph appeared in The Times of India recently. The caption said that this creature was a cross between a horse and a zebra that was a part of some experiment, somewhere. Impressive!

My daughter regarded this photograph with a frown on her face. I was reeling under the amazing progress in genetic engineering, so a frown was not exactly the reaction I had expected.

But then, I had forgotten that a daughter is essentially a female of the species. She explained,

“This is what happens when you don’t take care of your skin. Look at this poor zebra, it’s skin has started peeling off! That’s why I apply cream all the time!”

Bath Time

“Mama, if I take a bath with this soap, will all the kidas wash away?”

This question was posed to my wife while she was giving my baby a bath. The soap alluded to is Lifebuoy, a brand which claims to offer a germ-free living experience (where else, but on television?!!).

“Of course”, replies the wife (oops, I did it again!).

“Good!” exclaims my daughter, as she scrubs herself violently with the bar of soap.

By now, the Missus is curious - why is the li’l one asking this question? Has she been up to something we should know about?

“Darling, why do you ask?”

“Oh, Papa says I’m full of kidas. I’m going to wash them all off!”

My apologies to all those who might not be familiar with Indian terminologies. Just pass up this post - it’s too complex to be translated!

What Women Want...

Children have increasing wants. And adults take it upon themselves to spoil them silly.

There had been a phase in my daughter’s life, when she would rattle off a list if she was ever asked, “Sweetheart, what do you want?”. It’s cute for a while, but it gets rather embarrassing at times when your child makes demands from perfect strangers. It would be rather awkward for the missus and myself.

Fortunately, problems tend to present their own solutions over time. Now that my daughter’s been exposed the to world and how it works (through television, what else!), she’s learnt a thing or two from beauty pageants. Now, if she’s asked the question, she answers with a smile: “World Peace!”

Where are the Boys?

On a recent trip to the seaside, my daughter had fun gamboling by the sea and playing in the sand. However, one little detail left her perplexed. With a frown on her face, she walked up to me and queried, “Papa, where are the boys?”

At 4 years of age, her interest in boys was amusing and disturbing at the same time. Looking around, I noticed there were enough males to keep any woman happy for a long, long time. What exactly did she mean?
Realizing that she hadn’t quite got through to me, she explained, “Look, Papa, there are so many sea-girls (seagulls!) flying about. Where are the sea-boys?”

Gravitational Violence

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a small boy called Sir Isaac Newton. He was a rather naughty boy - a pain in the neck. One day, he expressed a desire to go out and play in the meadows. His parents were elated at the idea - after dancing a jig, they cut him loose.
Out in the meadows, Sir Isaac Newton was up to no good. He troubled the cows and the sheep that were grazing peacefully. He pulled out blades of grass. He chased the butterflies. He threw stones at the trees. He was being very pesky indeed.
After a while, tired of his misdeeds, he settled down under an apple tree to rest. The birds, bees, cows, sheep, butterflies… all heaved a sigh of relief. By now, however, Mother Nature was fuming. She summoned her trusted aide, Gravity, and instructed him to teach the boy a lesson.
Gravity came down to Earth, and found Sir Isaac Newton sitting under a tree, reading a book titled “How to be a Pain - An Advanced Course”. Not wanting to tangle with the brat directly, Gravity lodged himself on a branch high up in the tree to decide the future course of action. Now, li’l Isaac noticed Gravity perched high up on the tree, and decided to have some fun. He picked up an apple lying close by and chucked it at Gravity. Gravity deftly caught it and tossed it right back. The apple hit Isaac on the head, and knocked some sense into the boy.
This incident left a scar on Sir Isaac Newton’s mind for the rest of his life. In fact, he got so obsessed by it that he went on to become a great scientist, formulating the laws of gravity.
In short, Sir Isaac Newton was conked on the head with an apple by Gravity.

Lessons learned:
1. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
2. What goes up, must come down. (Reason: If you toss something up in the air, an invisible force, namely Gravity, catches it and throws it back at you.)

That’s how my daughter likes it. Well, at least she’s learning!

A Teenager at 4

Some time ago, while waiting at the bank to make a withdrawal, my daughter started bawling. Her stomach was hurting, and the pain was unbearable. Concerned, I kept asking her questions like “Where exactly does it hurt” and “How long has it been hurting”. Fed up of my constant queries, she finally declared, between sobs, “Please don’t ask me any questions. I can’t tell you”.
Another time, another place, while being rebuked for not wanting to brush her teeth, she retorted, “Don’t spoil a beautiful day”. Yet again, under different circumstances, she commented that I should “Stop making my(her) life miserable”.
Maybe I’m being a bit harsh on her. Maybe I should stop interfering in her life. After all, she’s all of 4!